We here at Tilde are universally fans of Ke$ha. Okay, I am a huge fan of Ke$ha, Abbey is slowly working towards her life goal of becoming Ke$ha, and everyone else tolerates our heartfelt desire to crack open a bottle of baby oil and then roll in glitter.
Gloriously batshit lyrics and hyper-catchy autotuned pop songs aside, Ke$ha is a style icon more than anything else. There is no better way to accessorize than a nice layer of body glitter.
I can’t recommend a glitter based aesthetic enough, really. Recently my favorite way to unwind has been to kick back with a glass of two dollar Cabernet, nod appreciatively to the roomba as he dutifully sweeps up the glittery remains of last weekends drunken exploits, and blast Ke$ha as I contemplate new and interesting ways to make yourself glitter under club lightening or any time someone points a flashlight in your general direction.
Here the top five places you add more glitter to for a happier, more radiant life:
1) All over your pop stars.
2) On your hair accessories.
Dot Bow Headband ($3.80, Forever21)
3) On your butt.
Butt sequins for rich people! French Connection Sequin Legging. ($193.49 ASOS)
And the not-rich people version: Panelled Leggings in Pink Sequins ($61.57 ASOS)
4) All over your face and/or body.
Urban Decay Starlight Glitter body art kit (Sold out on site but available at Amazon.com, $16.99)
5) Up on your nails.
Supernova ($6, American Apparel)
Glitter can, of course, backfire pretty spectacularly. Namely by getting absolutely everywhere and refusing to ever go away. With that in mind….
Five places you absolutely don’t want to get body glitter
1) Your face, the next morning at the office.
They will mock you.
2) Your hair.
That shit is never coming out.
3) All up in your roomba.
I know I know. Shut up about your roomba, Ella. No one cares that your only friend is a tiny robotic vacuum. But seriously, be extra careful that any mechanical friends that happen to be sweeping your floor don’t accidentally ingest a tub of glitter first. Have you ever heard one of those horror stories about someone’s cat throwing up and the roomba going to town before they realize what’s happened. Imagine that, but instead of a cat it’s four ounces of your finest, uncut rainbow sparkle glitter, and instead of cat vomit it’s like someone cleaned up last weekend’s pride parade using your living room floor.
4) Your sex toys.
Listen people, no one wants a glittery vag. That is the unfun kind of exfoliation.
5) Your mouth probably? I mean glitter probably doesn’t taste all that good….
Except what am I even saying. All these are lies. Glitter should go everywhere. The best way to sort out who is worth associating with is by who puts up with the constant shimmer and occasional blindness that comes with being friends with your sparkly ass.
Except the vag. Still not fun to get glitter all up in there. Unless you have a gyno appointment coming up, in which case a light dusting of sparkle will surely add some fun and excitement to your doctor’s daily slog through unbedazzled labia.
